And here, many years later, are the facts – the state our daughter was in, the day she came to visit with her furniture friend, the day we gardened.
What the friend thought we should have been told back then.
Bella did not, want to tell us.
She wasn’t ready to stop.
She would let us into her life to take a peep when she needed money, scared herself, or had flashes of a better life with her family.
But on that day she was not ready to divulge.
Drugs: the crisis she was going through.
I have snippets of the tale, I do not want to know more. The Big I Am had summoned Bella’s friend to help, so he did not have to. I imagine there was an issue, an illegal drug overdose, supplied by him.
It makes no difference in my mind whether we knew the facts back then. What my Husband believed: drugs had become an important part of our daughter’s life. I knew about the eating disorder, and there was nothing I could do. I knew about the alcohol problem, nothing I could do to stop her drinking alcohol.
How could I compete with drugs, the high users chase. What did I have to offer against that–A mother’s love?–A slice of toast?
My daughter was lost to me more than I realised.